One of my greatest joys in life was when I held my first child for the first time right after I gave birth 3 1/2 years ago. There is a love that no words can describe that fills you when you finally see those little feet that have been kicking you and that little nose that looks just like yours. She made me, a completely average person with few accomplishments, a mother. I can barely remember what life was like without her! She has filled my life with the purest joy, and a lot more responsibility.
When I held my second daughter for the first time, I experienced something completely different. I was filled with fear. There was no room for anything else. I looked at her and realized, I never felt her soft little kicks and I didn't see a single feature she got from me. I went to the hospital on May 3rd to watch this little baby, who we were planning to adopt, enter into the world. This little angel didn't make me a mother, but she did make me more like our Heavenly Mother.
Usually, it's the easiest thing in the world to love your own baby. But how easy is it to love someone else's baby as if they were your own? For me, it was not easy at all and I didn't expect that. I expected to cry with joy when I saw her the first time and to wrap her up in my arms and never want to let go. In reality, I barely wanted to hold her at all. I had no idea how in the world I was going to sacrifice my whole being for her like I could my oldest child. But our God is a God of love and blessings.
The situation surrounding the adoption I won't go into detail about, but I will say that we never planned on adopting a child, since I was fully capable of having my own children, and when we adopted this little girl it was quick and because we were commanded by our Heavenly Father to do so. "What?" You say. "How does that happen??" We were presented with a baby being given up for adoption and felt prompted to pray about us taking her in when she was born. That prayer was intense for all the right reasons. We were answered immediately upon asking if this was something we should do and the Spirit was strong. God intended this baby to be ours. So we started the adoption process a couple of months before the baby was born.
Our littlest girl has given me the gift of real, pure, and unselfish love. She taught me how to love in a way I thought I already knew. On a bigger scale, she taught me how to love people the way that our Heavenly Mother loves her children. I feel more compassion and charity. I feel a sadness and empathy when a perfect stranger tells a story of woe. My knowledge of what love is has exploded.
I don't want to come across as if I'm perfect and everything in my life is perfect. But God has given me my family in ways I never would have imagined or asked for in some instances. I know now that God wants to bless us with happiness. He wants to give us our righteous desires. What I have learned is that we have to always be listening and ready for the time He's ready to bless us. Ultimately, happiness is our choice. If we choose to follow Jesus Christ and seek further light and knowledge, we will be blessed beyond any imagination. That doesn't mean and can't mean that your life will be perfect, on the contrary, you will go through difficult things that later will allow the gifts of God to flow.
I absolutely love the little family with which I have been blessed. I can only hope that I can teach our girls the lessons I've learned by showing them what it means to love as our Heavenly Mother does.
~ Abby
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